Bad boy actor Mickey Rourke (9 1/2 Weeks) is looking worn out in his mugshot, taken after he was arrested while driving under the influence. On a blue Vespa scooter!

This must be proof that Hollyweird’s gone mental. Forty-eight-year old actress Rebecca De Mornay (Risky Business, The Hand That Rocks the Cradle) was just charged with DUI. I mean, you almost expect it from Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris, and Nicole Richie. But not so much from De Mornay and Kiefer Sutherland and whomever else. Soon they’ll run out of jail space for all the celebrities being arrested.

As if Anna Nicole Smith (or her spirit) haven’t been through enough, her ex-boyfriend and reputed stalker Mark Hatten feels he’s entitled to some of the inheritance money from Anna Nicole’s estate. Does anyone else think California’s divorce/ palimony laws are an utter joke?

Well, uh, okay, Christina. It’s not like we didn’t know already, several weeks ago, that you’re pregnant. Though some of us are still wondering if all of Hollyweird’s female celebs got together and decide to get pregnant together around the same time. Brooke Burke’s on her fourth, and a few celebs had babies this weekend. And there’s a whole bunch more that are pregnant or just popped.

No, say it ain’t so. Britney Spears is claiming that she’s been getting lip injections due to a minor car crash, and an air bag that smacked her in the face. Yeah, right. I’ll bet you’re just peeved that Lindsay Lohan puffed her lips first. You are not a blowup doll like Rihanna in these pics. Aren’t you tired of being made fun of by Ron Jeremy and others? Please, no more fake lips in Hollyweird. It is NOT sexy.

This sounds like the beginning of a joke, but Britney Spears met up with K-Fed’s attorney in a bar of all places. What’s wrong with this picture? She’s trying to get additional custody rights of her kids, but she’s meeting in bars. Were all the coffee shops closed? Though I’m not sure all the coffee in America (or tea in China?) will help sober up this seriously messed up young woman.

Geez, they’ll let anyone into Hollyweird these days. Pete Doherty, star of nothing important, has been shooting heroin again. What’s worse, he let himself get caught on tape. Dude, have you never heard of YouTube, the archive of all foolish behavior, for history? I’m not sure how much of a hero to kids you are to begin with, but maybe you don’t care that kids will see you. (Note: While I haven’t gone looking on YouTube, I’m guessing the video might get pulled if it does get submitted.)

It seems as if Britney still needs driving lessons. First she hits that car in a parking lot then runs, then she registers for her California driving license, and now she parks in a handicapped spot. Damn, girl. Stop spending so damn much on clothes each month and get a chauffer. It’s plain for everyone but you that you’re not only a bad mother but a bad driver.

While you stare at Leelee Sobieski’s breasts, tell me, doesn’t she look a lot like Helen Hunt? I’m finding that there are a lot of younger women in Hollywood (and a few men) that look a bit like someone else who have already made a name for themselves. A list is forthcoming.

Casey Affleck, Ben’s little brother, got lectured by super-talented Morgan Freeman, when he supposedly showed up late for a shoot. However, as Casey tells the story, Freeman was brought on set too early and was told that Affleck was late. So Freeman apparently lectured him for fifteen minutes about being professional and all. Looks as if Affleck was peeved, considering he admitted this publicly on Larry King.