Britney, Britney, Britney. What do you not understand about improving your chances of getting better custody claims of your children? You learn to drive, you stop boozing, stop flashing your chocha, pay any court-ordered fees, and you do all the drug tests you’re supposed. And have a phone number that the court can reach you at.

Do you need someone to spell it out to you? That means missing 8 out of 14 drug tests is plain bad for your chances. (Also, going through a red light, with your kids in the car is superbad. I know, I know. The bloody paparazzi are forever getting in your way.)

So it’s quite a surprise that the judge cut you a break. You been given way too many breaks. You don’t deserve anymore. But given your new Blackout album is #1 in Europe and other countries, you probably don’t care. Is that what you were celebrating when you dropped $200,000 on a Mercedes SL 65 the other night? Bloody hell, woman. You can’t even drive. Keep up this nonsense and you will have a meltdown.

No, say it ain’t so. Britney Spears is claiming that she’s been getting lip injections due to a minor car crash, and an air bag that smacked her in the face. Yeah, right. I’ll bet you’re just peeved that Lindsay Lohan puffed her lips first. You are not a blowup doll like Rihanna in these pics. Aren’t you tired of being made fun of by Ron Jeremy and others? Please, no more fake lips in Hollyweird. It is NOT sexy.

This sounds like the beginning of a joke, but Britney Spears met up with K-Fed’s attorney in a bar of all places. What’s wrong with this picture? She’s trying to get additional custody rights of her kids, but she’s meeting in bars. Were all the coffee shops closed? Though I’m not sure all the coffee in America (or tea in China?) will help sober up this seriously messed up young woman.

It seems as if Britney still needs driving lessons. First she hits that car in a parking lot then runs, then she registers for her California driving license, and now she parks in a handicapped spot. Damn, girl. Stop spending so damn much on clothes each month and get a chauffer. It’s plain for everyone but you that you’re not only a bad mother but a bad driver.

While you may not relish the thought of Britney Spears in 25 years, apparently she’s really been letting herself go this year. If shaving her head, having car accidents, flashing her chocha, not promoting her Blackout album, etc., isn’t give away her state of mind, her rundown looks should. The former sassy, sexy starlet in training is showing visible signs of wear on her face including what looks like cold sores or zits. And that means her promoters are getting her Blackout-related pics airbrushed. Britney? Airbrushed? Say it ain’t so. Girl, stop partying so damn much and take care of your kids.

April Development, Inc., offers software called Aprilage, which take a picture of someone and ages it. Warner Bros. Extra TV used the software to come up a pic of what Britney Spears will look like in 25 years, if she continues to eat, drink and tan the way she’s been doing. Not a pretty sight.

On the other hand, I find it surprising that she got dumped on for the way she looked at the VMAs a while back. She didn’t look like a rail-thin bone rack of a supermodel - a “style” that I find unattractive. Britney looked like a real woman, with a bit of extra weight. Or maybe it was the black lingerie-like attire that “slimmed” her. At any rate, while I might be amongst the few, I found her to actually look good at the VMAs - even if her performance stunk. A few friends concur.

Poor Britney, can’t catch a break. After having been in a hit-and-run not long ago, she went and registered for a California driver’s license. She also managed to settle the hit-and-run with the other car’s owner. But she still can’t drive. A on-duty officer’s foot was run over by Britney’s car. The office was trying to help Britney get away from the courthouse and the paparazzi, but Britney doesn’t know the difference between “turn right, turn right” and “turn left, turn left”. Hmmm. Maybe she was thinking of Kim Kardashian. Or how she should be promoting her Blackout album so that she can pay for the $16,000/month that she spends on clothes.

Britney Spears apparently has revealed that she has a lesbian lust for Kim Kardashian - she of the sexy body with and butt bigger than J-Lo. Kim recently appeared in Playboy, and if you search around online, you’ll see some of the pics. Britney said to friends

I really love Kim’s butt, skin and hair. Kim is a real woman. A real horny beast.

No idea if Kim swings that way but Carmen Electra supposedly does. Carmen was on Brit’s list as well.

Egads! Britney Spears is supposedly dropping over a hundred Gs on entertainment. Per month. And $16,000/month on clothes alone. Her total expenditures are nearly $740,000/mth, according to court papers. However, that does include her mortgage and house utilities. But only $6,000/month is spent on child care. Ex-hubby Kevin Federline says spending nearly three times that on childcare, and nearly nothing in comparison on clothes and entertainment. Ah the lives of the rich and stupid. I mean famous.

Britney Spear’s new album Blackout has incensed some people, but she’s not taking advantage of it, not promoting it says her record label. They’re giving up on bothering to get her to do any promotion.