Seems as if, in the entertainment world, it’s not just boobs and lips that are fake. Sometimes the public performances might be fake, too. To wit, there are rumors going ’round that Marie Osmond, who just lost on Dancing With the Stars, might have faked her fainting spell earlier in the season. (For what it’s worth, I think that’s nonsense. I’ve seen the video clip a few times and, considering how she fell, I doubt you could do that on cue.)

What’s more, Marie Rivera, who just won the Miss Puerto Rico to represent her country in the 2008 Miss Universe, might have either lied or faked her alleged pepper spray incident, where her clothes and makeup supposedly were spiked with pepper spray. There’s now an “investigation” into it. Who’d they call? The fashion police?

Wait, there’s more. After son Nick Hogan, aka Nick Bollea, had a car crash earlier this earlier and seriously injured his friend John Graziano - a passenger - Hulk Hogan’s family was slapped with a civil suit for damages. Nick lost his driver’s license. Then mama Linda just announced she’d filed divorce papers. But the attorney of John Graziano’s father, Ed, thinks that the divorce might be a ruse. If Hulk Hogan and his wife split, their assets would be a bit more protected.

Yikes. My head hurts.

In tonight’s two-hour season finale, Marie Osmond was eliminated early in the night, unable to rally enough fans to vote for her. Most of the rest of the night was populated with performances by previously eliminated contestants as well as a few songs from Celine Dion.

That means that the contest boils down to Spice Slut, err.. Spice Girl Mel B vs racecar driver Helio Castroneves. Both have been giving fine performances all season. Mel B has four-way hips, but Helio’s partner, professional dancer Julianne Hough, does too. In this type of dancing, the woman often has to be the outstanding performer. So the fact that Mel is holding her own against professional Julianne suggests she deserves to win (no matter how much I despise the Spice Girls).

My memory fails in for past seasons, but I believe at least one female non-professional contestant won. But the fact that Mel and partner just scored a perfect 30 for a not so impressive performance strongly suggests she’s won.

On the other hand, Julianne always has amazing outfits that reveal her sexy back. She’s a consummate dance performer that knows how to wow us, and this is all enhanced by the great chemistry between herself and the charismatic Helio. Not surprisingly, they also scored a perfect 30.

And as you can see from the video hint below, the winners were Julianne and Helio - quite likely for their incredible sex appeal. Which is what all these dances are really about anyway. Whoo hoo.

Veteran entertainer Marie Osmond - baby sister of the Osmond Brothers - fainted earlier this season, after a performance, then suffered the loss of her father. But she made it through to the finals, unlike Jane Seymour, who lost her mother. But in the first few minutes of the final episode of this season, it was revealed that even Marie’s loyal fans couldn’t save her. She was eliminated in third place. So who do you think will win? I’m betting it’s race car driver Helio Castroneves, not just because of how talented he is but also because his partner, professional dancer Julianne Hough, has been outstanding in previous seasons too.

During the Miss Puerto Rico beauty pageant, Ingrid Marie Rivera’s evening gowns were doused with pepper spray and her makeup spiked. She broke out in hives and kept her cool. And she won!! You go girl. Take that, catty bitches! Rivera will represent Puerto Rico in the 2008 Miss Universe contest.

What is this? The 1970s? First the Osmond Brothers plan to tour and now the Jackson Five could follow suit. One of these things is not like the other. That’s probably what you’d think upon seeing Jacko - freshly “white-skinned” - on stage with his brothers. Or will he make them have facial surgery like sister Janet did?

Boy George hasn’t been doing anything important lately, so to stay in the news, he’s been getting into trouble. At presented, he’s to stand trial for kinky sex charges. He supposedly handcuffed a Norwegian man to a bed and brandished sex toys at him. They met on the website Gaydar, and the man agreed to pose for pics and get paid nearly $900.

Now what’s really freaky is that Boy George could spend life in prison for this, if he’s convicted, because the charges against him are false imprisonment. Right, murder is much more acceptable these days in society - at least you’d think so when you consider how many murderers (some famous) get a relative slap on the wrist.

Nick Bollea aka Nick Hogan, son of wrestler Hulk Hogan, was declared a dangerous driver and lost his license for one year. I applaud Florida state for this. Let’s hope that California follows this example and suspends the licenses of twits like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, both of whom have had driving “incidents” this year.

Other reports indicate that Terry Gene Bollea (Hulk Hogan) and wife Linda Marie Bollea are headed for divorce court. Maybe Nick was acting out frustration?

If you’re over twenty, you probably remember that old TV ad, where the storekeeper would tell people “Don’t squeeze the Charmin”. Actor Dick Wilson, known as Mr. Whipple in the TV ad, passed away at 91.

Patricia Crane (aka Sigrid Valdis) passed away of lung cancer in mid October at 72. She had wanted no press, so the announcement was delayed. She played “Hilda” on the Hogan’s Heroes TV show and later married Bob Crane, star of the show. Bob Crane was found bludgeoned to death in 1978.

Jonathon Rhys Meyers, who was recently arrested in Ireland for public drunkeness, just lost his mother.

It’s sometimes easy to forget that stars are human too, and as such they get sick. Mary-Kate Olsen, who became famous on with her identical twin sister Ashley, was hospitalized this week for a kidney infection. Also recently hospitalized: Dennis Quaid’s newborn twins. Nancy Grace’s newborn twins have now both been released, after being born premature when Grace suffered a pulmonary edema.

Jennie Garth (Beverly Hills 90210, What I Like About You), was voted off Dancing With the Stars this week, leaving only Marie Osmond, Melanie Brown (Mel B of the Spice Girls), and racecar driver Helio Castroneves. What do you want to bet Mel B will win, given that older contestants have traditionally been voted off in past seasons, despite their superior talent? That suggests a younger audience (probably).

With the Spice Girls touring again - and thus having active fans - I have a feeling Marie Osmond will not win, despite how terrific she’s been. At least from the clips I’ve seen, as I’ve been unable to watch this season. If you want to catch the final, it’s on at 8 pm EST on ABC, Mon Nov 26th.