Wow, way to be taken seriously. Paris Hilton is appearing in several images for Rich Prosecco Spirits, completely nude except for a layer of gold paint. Page Six has the exclusive photos of naked Paris. Maybe they should have asked Jessica Simpson, seeing as she wants to be taken seriously as an actress by posing nude.

Btw, check out this weird video of Paris Hilton in a wet bikini.

I know, I know. It’s quite the shocker, but Paris Hilton actually helped someone. She was at Cameo nightclub in Miami on the weekend and one of the Oompa-Loompa performers, Robin Sherwood, got bum-rushed and injured. Hilton comforted him.

Sherwood got cut and apparently needs a kidney transplant, though it’s not clear if this has anything to do with the incident. But Paris and sister Nicky have set up a foundation to help with Sherwood’s operation.

Warms my heart to think that there’s hope for even the doofiest of Hollyweird celebs. I wonder what Paris will do for the romantic rival for rich hunk Stavros Niarchos’ heart that she supposedly punched. And did this foundation pay for the new fake lips Paris seems to have?

Exactly who is Paris Hilton dating this week? It appears that it’s wealthy ex-boyfriend Stavros Niarchos, at least judging by reports that she was all over him. Apparently she freaked out that some other girl (reputedly Caronline Vreeland) was paying attention to him, yelling at him, dancing in front of him, then finally resorting to punching the girl. A Hilton rep of course denies this. Now wasn’t Paris dating someone else last week?

Did Paris Hilton succumb to fake lipitis, a mental disease that strikes Hollyweird actresses who then feel the need to have silicon injected into their lips? Talk about vanity insanity. Or was Paris some how jealous of the drunken elephants in India that she wanted to save, and decided to grow a trunk?

You’ve no doubt read that explorer Christopher Columbus had intended to find India but discovered America instead (despite it having been discovered long before Chris by Amerigo Vespucci and others). And you might have heard that modern-day explorer Paris Hilton wants to help drunken elephants in India. So did Paris, like, head for India and somehow end up in China for Thanksgiving? Don’t forget to come back for your million dollar payday in Vegas this New Year’s Eve.

Okay, two Hollyweird sluts in one day? Whether or not you believe Britney is a slut, it’s sometimes hard not to think Paris Hilton is. Check out this video of Paris taking a bath. And it’s on YouTube of all places. Okay, she’s not a slut for taking a bath naked, but who the heck is the guy you can hear in the background? And did she think the video would never go public? The NSFW version is on DailyMotion, but I’ll link to the Egotastic page, and you can see the PG-13 version below. Nice bathtub, but I never cared much for her big stupid mouth or her tiny little boobies. Let’s hope she bathes before does her New Year’s Eve partying for a million bucks.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m not the only who thinks Paris Hilton is untalented. After being asked to audition for a Broadway version of Chicago, the producers decided to pass on her. Apparently, she just can’t move. Or maybe they got a look at her nasty lipstick-stained teeth? When will Paris realize she’s not all that?

Damn, girl, where we can get summa dat? As Celebitchy reports, Paris Hilton, buddy of Nicole Richie, is famous for doing nothing (and being really, really stupid and untalented and naked), and now she’ll get a million for simply partying at LAX in Las Vegas this New Year’s Eve. She’s apparently replacing Lindsay Lohan, who is just out of rehab. Now, I wonder if Paris intends to save drunk elephants in India before or after this party? If she parties hard enough on New Year’s Eve, she just might see some pink elephants.

Hallmark Cards used Paris Hilton’s likeness in some of their greeting cards, including one where they make fun of her. That of course prompted a lawsuit by Paris, which Hallmark tried to have dismissed since, they claim, she’s become a household name. That, their lawyers claim, means she can’t accept the flattering comments then try to silence the criticism. As well, they blamed her for the fact that people make fun of her.