In tonight’s two-hour season finale, Marie Osmond was eliminated early in the night, unable to rally enough fans to vote for her. Most of the rest of the night was populated with performances by previously eliminated contestants as well as a few songs from Celine Dion.

That means that the contest boils down to Spice Slut, err.. Spice Girl Mel B vs racecar driver Helio Castroneves. Both have been giving fine performances all season. Mel B has four-way hips, but Helio’s partner, professional dancer Julianne Hough, does too. In this type of dancing, the woman often has to be the outstanding performer. So the fact that Mel is holding her own against professional Julianne suggests she deserves to win (no matter how much I despise the Spice Girls).

My memory fails in for past seasons, but I believe at least one female non-professional contestant won. But the fact that Mel and partner just scored a perfect 30 for a not so impressive performance strongly suggests she’s won.

On the other hand, Julianne always has amazing outfits that reveal her sexy back. She’s a consummate dance performer that knows how to wow us, and this is all enhanced by the great chemistry between herself and the charismatic Helio. Not surprisingly, they also scored a perfect 30.

And as you can see from the video hint below, the winners were Julianne and Helio - quite likely for their incredible sex appeal. Which is what all these dances are really about anyway. Whoo hoo.