If Jessica Simpson is really using Owen Wilson for publicity, then that’s just terrible. The two just don’t seem to belong together, and if his recent suicide attempt was real (some say it was a publicity stunt), then he needs real friends. I’m not a fan of Jessica, but I’d never thought of her as this shallow. On the other hand, Owen’s been spotted in New York with model Le Call.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m not the only who thinks Paris Hilton is untalented. After being asked to audition for a Broadway version of Chicago, the producers decided to pass on her. Apparently, she just can’t move. Or maybe they got a look at her nasty lipstick-stained teeth? When will Paris realize she’s not all that?

Heath and Kate, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Okay, sitting in a bar. Will Kate Hudson be the next celebrity to get pregnant? No word on that. For now, Kate and Heath are just kissing.

Marilyn Manson’s current girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood, says she’s not bisexual, but like Pink she likes to kiss girls. No word if she grabs other girls’ boobs like Rihanna does, but it seems that liking girls is a prerequisite of being Manson’s girlfriend.

Another celebrity parent passed away, following Jane Seymour’s mother and the Osmond family patriarch, George. Kanye West’s mother, Donda, possibly died due to complications during plastic surgery. Fifty-eight year old Dr. West was a retired professor and former chairwoman of Chicago State University’s English department. She also manged Kanye’s West Brands business and the non-profit Kanye West Foundation. Apparently, she was warned in June against cosmetic surgery due to a health condition.

Despite recently claims that Angelina Jolie is anorexic (hardly!!), she split her skin-tight leather pants on her backside. Hubby Brad Pitt came to her aid, covering up the split seam with his hand, fingers splayed. This wardrobe malfunction happened at the premiere of Beowulf, the Neil Gaiman-penned movie, directed by Roger Zemeckis. Brad and Angelina have been declared by some as the two sexiest celebrities in the world. Let’s hope they have lots of babies together. It’d almost be a travesty if they didn’t. Can you just imagine how beautiful a race of Brangelina spawn would be?

Britney Spears, who has supposedly recently missed 8 of 14 court-ordered random drug tests (apparently due to lack of a reliable phone number), tested positive for drugs. Says her handlers, they’re prescription drugs.

Her mother Lynne blames herself for her daughter’s messed up life. Damn straight. Lynne Spears pushed and pushed and pushed her daughter into stardom, the way I recall it a few years back. I’ve known a few people who would probably have become stars, if not for their overbearing mothers. Let’s just hope someone saves Brit before she does something drastic and irreversible.

Lindsay Lohan, not long out of rehab, is at it again, getting paparazzi to snap pics of her by “accidentally” showing her undies. Ole Fire Crotch was actually wearing undies this time, but flashing’s unavoidable when you’re wandering around in public wearing a shirt that pretends to be a skirt. Lindsay, does this have anything to do with you losing a million-dollar party gig to Paris?

Christina Aguilera, who recently admitted to being pregnant, had a baby shower and invited a bunch of drag queens. I have no words other than ummm, why?

View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck - who verbally tusseled with former co-host Rosie O’Donnell quite often before going on maternity leave - recently had a baby boy. Today, she called in to The View and announced the name of her new baby: Taylor Thomas Hasselbeck, who weighed just under 8 lbs at birth. Husband Tim is an Arizona Cardinals backup quarterback.

Elisabeth is one of many celebs who are either pregnant or who have just given birth. It’s like someone flew over Hollyweird and impregnated most of the female celebs.