Yeah, verily. Word is that Kiefer Sutherland, who just started his 48-day jail sentence, is being a model citizen. (He even turned himself in about 2 weeks early.) Let’s recap: most of Hollyweird is either pregnant or being arrested for DUI. Or both, in the case of Nicole Richie a few months back.

Now correct me if I’m wrong: Hollywood screenwriters are striking for more pay. But it appears that the celebs aren’t getting paid enough since they seem unable to afford a cab ride, to avoid drinking and driving. Or have all the chauffers in town quit?

Racecar driver Helio Castroneves, also winner of this year’s Dancing With the Stars, thinks he’s fooling us. He says he’s single again, and that his dance partner Julianne Hough is on vacation. Does that mean they’re not dating? Well, he does say that he and she are becoming good friends and they’ll see each other again. Yeah, right. Who could deny the chemistry they had during the competition - especially the long kiss? Helio’s fiance called off their engagement shortly after that.

Trump Didn’t Leave a $10,000 Tip
Derober.com is either really clever or had an unreliable source when they showed a restaurant receipt supposedly signed by Donald Trump and boasting a $10,000 tip for a bill under $100. Yeah, right. The Donald leave that big a tip? The Donald says it’s a publicity stunt by the restaurant.

Real Estate by Night, Britney?
Britney Spears supposedly booked an appointment with her real estate agent to see a house a night, despite already owning two in the Beverly Hills area. Why at night, you ask? Well probably so she would escape notice of the paparazzi and not run over their feet. Except she wore her stupid pink wig.

Lipstick on Your Collar, Kelly Osbourne
Well, bosom really. Someone of the female persuasion appears to have planted her lipsticked lips on Kelly Osbourne’s bared bosom. Either that or Ozzy really is the devil, and as his spawn, Kelly can kiss her own boobies.

Breaking News: Baby Spice is Dumb
Oh wait, is that news? Baby Spice, who is once again torturing us thanks to the new Spice Girls tour, says she gets so worked up on stage that she forgets her lyrics. Too bad they couldn’t all forget. Exactly how does Baby looks so babyfaced a hundred years after their last tour?

Breaking News: Posh Spice is a Gay Man
Stop looking at me funny. Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice, said she’s a gay man in a woman’s body. That was after she revealed that she sleeps naked when soccer hubby David is in bed too. Confusing? Well, she was also chastising all those celebrities that release fashion items/ accessories under their name but have nothing to do with the design. My head hurts. Maybe she, like Baby Spice, actually forgot what she really meant to say.

Bouncing Baby Hennessy
Is there any female celeb in Hollyweird not pregnant? Crossing Jordan star Jill Hennessy just gave birth to a boy, Gianni, in late November, but it wasn’t announced until this week. Husband Paolo Mastropietro contributed sperm.

Dumbest People in Hollyweird
Speaking of dumb, Firecrotch Lindsay Lohan has the dubious honor of being designated the dumbest person in hollywood.

Dolly Parton has an Open Marriage?
Um okay. Well, she didn’t say that she and her husband cheat. She did say that if they do cheat on each other, they don’t know about it, and that “it’s very good for both of us.”

John Mayer is a Cad
Or something like that. He went from Minka Kelly to recently slimmed-down Ricki Lake and back to Cameron Diaz in what appears to have been about a week. What do you say? Cad?

More Drunken Celebs: Vivica Fox
Like I’ve said before, everyone in Hollyweird is either pregnant, flashing their privates, or drunk. Speaking of which, Vivica A. Fox pleaded no contest to a DUI charge, and Ray Liotta pleaded no contest to reckless driving.

Amy, Amy, Amy Winehouse. It’s not bad enough that your hubby was arrested on drug charges and that you’re snorting drugs onstage - before you cancelled your concert tour and pissed fans off - but now you’re walking around in public getting photographed with white powder in your nostrils. Are those six Grammy nominations you just received (2 less than Kanye West) going to make you happy enough that you’ll stop your disaster trail? So much talent going to waste.

Nicole Richie, who is due to give birth likely in a few weeks, has been part of a mandatory anti-drinking program thanks to the DUI charge she received in July (when, yes, she was pregnant). But she’s taken a leave of absence from the program, and it’s been granted to her by the court. I have no idea what this means. Has she fallen off the wagon, or is she so close to due that she’s focusing on that?

Honestly, I don’t care what her preference is. Jodie Foster is an amazing actress, director, and all-round entertainer. Despite her fame, she’s managed to keep her private life private. So it’s a bit surprising that her acceptance speech for the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award mentioned “my beautiful Cydney,” in reference to Cydney Bernard, reportedly Foster’s life partner.

Depending on whom you believe, Scott Weiland’s drug addiction ruined the once-popular rock band Stone Temple Pilots. Weiland was in and out of jail and rehab. Now a member of Velvet Revolver with Slash (ex-Guns’n'Roses) and others, Weiland has been arrested for DUI - but for drugs, not alcohol. To make things worse, Weiland refused to take blood or urine test, and failed the sobriety test.

Jessica Sierra, an American Idol finalist (but not winner), is looking hideous and washed out. And when she was arrested for causing a disturbance outside a Florida bar on the weekend, she went insane, kicking cops, insulting them, and more. She told one female officer she’d f*ck her up, kick her ass.

Of course, to show how tough she was, Sierra vomited in the back of a cruiser, then offered oral favors if she wasn’t sent to jail. When her generous offer was rejected, she started hurling racial slurs (the N word) at one officer.

This isn’t the first time Sierra has been arrested for being a violent nuisance, as the video below shows. No word yet whether Sierra went to the same school for Hollyweird trailer trash as Britney Spears. Let’s hope she keeps her panties on and doesn’t have children with K-Fed (one of the most influential people under 45 my ass).

The movie Knocked Up might be hard for some people to love. Why? Have you seen the trailers? At one point, during labor in a hospital bed, Katherine Heigl’s character screeches, “Get oooooooooout!!”. Quite possibly one of the more annoying trailers of this year so far.

Well here’s a surprise: Heigl didn’t like the movie either, saying it was sexist. (I have to agree, merely on the basis of that screeching alone.) That’s right, the movie she was in. She has also been knocking her character Izzie on E.R. Someone sounds cranky. Maybe she’s pregnant like most of the female half of Hollyweird?

You’ve probably read stories that once you get into Scientology, you’re in it for good. But Will Smith studied Scientology - with Tom Cruise no less - and decided it wasn’t for him. Pop star Usher, on the other hand, recently said he was accepting Scientology.

Smith appears in the vampire movie I Am Legend, which will be release on Dec 14th.