Not too long after her father gave NFL quarterback Tony Romo her phone number, Jessica Simpson has been smooching publicly with him. They kept it low key for a while, but are now indulging in PDA (Public Display(s) of Affection). Good on you, Jessica. You just might have found the man you wanted for Christmas.

Did Paris Hilton succumb to fake lipitis, a mental disease that strikes Hollyweird actresses who then feel the need to have silicon injected into their lips? Talk about vanity insanity. Or was Paris some how jealous of the drunken elephants in India that she wanted to save, and decided to grow a trunk?

No one needs to tell you that a lot of female celebs (and one male - Marilyn Manson) get fake boobs. And even if you prefer natural, and even with all the pregnancy-enhanced boobies in Hollyweird right now, you probably don’t mind looking at fake boobs once in a while. So have a look at these doozers courtesy of Beyonce Knowles and Fergie.

If you missed it a couple of weeks ago, Sarah Michelle Gellar (aka Buffy) decided to give hubby Freddie Prinze Jr. a gift. She took his name. That’s right, she’s now officially Sarah Michelle Prinze (unlike what the video below might suggest). I don’t get this. Doesn’t Sarah Michelle know about something called the Internet? Who the hell is going to search for “Nude Sarah Michelle Prinze Photos”? And what about all those blogs with her name as a category/tag? They’re not going to change that, and I’m not going to add Sarah Michelle Prinze, in case they get divorced. Way to ruin your celebrity brand.

Seems as if, in the entertainment world, it’s not just boobs and lips that are fake. Sometimes the public performances might be fake, too. To wit, there are rumors going ’round that Marie Osmond, who just lost on Dancing With the Stars, might have faked her fainting spell earlier in the season. (For what it’s worth, I think that’s nonsense. I’ve seen the video clip a few times and, considering how she fell, I doubt you could do that on cue.)

What’s more, Marie Rivera, who just won the Miss Puerto Rico to represent her country in the 2008 Miss Universe, might have either lied or faked her alleged pepper spray incident, where her clothes and makeup supposedly were spiked with pepper spray. There’s now an “investigation” into it. Who’d they call? The fashion police?

Wait, there’s more. After son Nick Hogan, aka Nick Bollea, had a car crash earlier this earlier and seriously injured his friend John Graziano - a passenger - Hulk Hogan’s family was slapped with a civil suit for damages. Nick lost his driver’s license. Then mama Linda just announced she’d filed divorce papers. But the attorney of John Graziano’s father, Ed, thinks that the divorce might be a ruse. If Hulk Hogan and his wife split, their assets would be a bit more protected.

Yikes. My head hurts.

In tonight’s two-hour season finale, Marie Osmond was eliminated early in the night, unable to rally enough fans to vote for her. Most of the rest of the night was populated with performances by previously eliminated contestants as well as a few songs from Celine Dion.

That means that the contest boils down to Spice Slut, err.. Spice Girl Mel B vs racecar driver Helio Castroneves. Both have been giving fine performances all season. Mel B has four-way hips, but Helio’s partner, professional dancer Julianne Hough, does too. In this type of dancing, the woman often has to be the outstanding performer. So the fact that Mel is holding her own against professional Julianne suggests she deserves to win (no matter how much I despise the Spice Girls).

My memory fails in for past seasons, but I believe at least one female non-professional contestant won. But the fact that Mel and partner just scored a perfect 30 for a not so impressive performance strongly suggests she’s won.

On the other hand, Julianne always has amazing outfits that reveal her sexy back. She’s a consummate dance performer that knows how to wow us, and this is all enhanced by the great chemistry between herself and the charismatic Helio. Not surprisingly, they also scored a perfect 30.

And as you can see from the video hint below, the winners were Julianne and Helio - quite likely for their incredible sex appeal. Which is what all these dances are really about anyway. Whoo hoo.

Veteran entertainer Marie Osmond - baby sister of the Osmond Brothers - fainted earlier this season, after a performance, then suffered the loss of her father. But she made it through to the finals, unlike Jane Seymour, who lost her mother. But in the first few minutes of the final episode of this season, it was revealed that even Marie’s loyal fans couldn’t save her. She was eliminated in third place. So who do you think will win? I’m betting it’s race car driver Helio Castroneves, not just because of how talented he is but also because his partner, professional dancer Julianne Hough, has been outstanding in previous seasons too.

Recently, Jessica Simpson said that all she wants for Christmas is a man. Well Santa might have rewarded her early for not flashing her chocha like slutty Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and even Christina Aguilera now (gasp!). Jessica is all of a sudden dating Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, and even took him to her grandparent’s Waco, Texas, home the day after Thanksgiving. Wait a minute. Waco? Never mind.

Well at least she’s over ex-boyfriend and musician John Mayer.

Let’s see. Britney Spears supposedly completely ignored requests from label execs to promote her album Blackout and instead spent time picking up male waiters, running over people, running through three red lights, and lord knows what else.

And now that the album is dropping on the charts, she’s going to try to shoot a big-budget music video in two hours when it normally takes a few days. Someone, please take Britney over their knee and spank her. And while you’re at it, steal her car keys before she kills someone. Still Santa Claus will let her be with her spawn on Christmas.

No wonder Stephen King called Britney trailer trash. (Christina Aguilera said back in 2004 that Britney acts like trailer trash, but recently pulling a Britney herself, flashing her privates while exiting a car).

During the Miss Puerto Rico beauty pageant, Ingrid Marie Rivera’s evening gowns were doused with pepper spray and her makeup spiked. She broke out in hives and kept her cool. And she won!! You go girl. Take that, catty bitches! Rivera will represent Puerto Rico in the 2008 Miss Universe contest.